


That Gay Mermaid AU

by Gaydar



Series: Merthings [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, gay mermaids, lots of puns, merman!Marco, octopus!connie, seadragon!Sasha, seahorse!Jean, shark!Eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 20:38:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1360966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaydar/pseuds/Gaydar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's an AU, and they're mermen. Mermaids. Merhumans. Merpeople. Mer<em>things</em>.<br/>Marco is a very confused spotted jawfish merman lost in the ocean, and he meets maybe kind of really attractive but very unsociable seahorse merman Jean.<br/>Eren's territorial, bitter, angry, lonely  mer-shark/person/thing, and has the almost perfect "little mermaid experience" with not-prince biology major loser college student Armin; who is just obsessed with the discovery of mer-<em>things</em>.<br/>It's just <strong><em>gay</em> merthings</strong>. That should be enough to get your attention.</p><p>Warning: Lots of puns. Obligatory Springles. Mainly jeanmarco I swear, but if you know me then you know I love eremin to <em><strong>death</strong></em> and I was not going to leave eremin out of a mer-thing AU.<br/>I swear on my life there is no mpreg. Jean's not getting pregnant in this. He's a seahorse simply because they're cute and well horse jokes never get old.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Gay Mermaid AU

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheFaceofaMouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFaceofaMouse/gifts), [ladyshroom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyshroom/gifts).



> You have [thisismouseface](http://thisismouseface.tumblr.com/) to thank for publishing my AU and getting lady-shroom to notice it, [draw some fanart for it](http://lady-shroom.tumblr.com/tagged/art+by+lady+shroom) , and inspire me to write this while also helping me decide a lot of things on how the AU would work. I did some research on some things, and if this isn't scientifically accurate, I'm sorry. It's a mermaid/men/human/people/thing AU though so I don't know how realistic you expected this to be.
> 
> I can't believe I didn't say this before: First chapter is Jean's POV.

I'm not a very lucky person, in fact I think I have  _bad_  luck with everything. There's never been a time in my boring life that I thought,  _wow isn't the world wonderful? I'm so happy and lucky to be alive!_ but that's not just bad luck. My social skills? They're almost nonexistent; I can't get a date unless it's some girl that wants me to have their kids. ' _Don't think about pregnancy right now_.'

 

What I'm trying to say is, I think I'm getting a little bit lucky right now. Here I am, minding my own business like any other day relaxing in the privacy and safety of some seaweed, and I spot  _him_. We're in what most people would consider the middle of nowhere, and then  _he_  shows up! Just floating there around some fish, doing  _nothing_. 

Why does that make me lucky? Am I some creep that preys on innocent unsuspecting people that catches them off guard and does horrible things to them? No of course not, I'm not lucky enough to even attempt that kind of thing. 

I'm lucky, because he's  _gorgeous_. Gorgeous, and  _alone,_  which means that he's not here with someone else. That means I can swoop in and humiliate myself just long enough to remember why I'm single. That or I'm going to charm the scales off of him with my amazing personality. Maybe both.  _'Hope for both Kirstein, go big or stay home and sob about it.'_

There are plenty of gorgeous people, I've seen a lot of them, and they've all been out of my league entirely.  _Him_  though? I've never seen anyone like him, so he's obviously not from around here. Well  _no one_ is really from "around here" unless they've accepted their pitiful anti-social life and moved away from the city because they can't handle it, so uh, me, but that's really not the point here. 

Never mind the amazingness of what was going on from the waist up, his tail was yellow and blue from the bottom. It just got more red as it got closer to his waist, and the spots;  _the spots_! If I didn't have a thing for spots before I definitely do now. They were really bright blue, to the point where I wasn't sure if I was just imagining it or not. Maybe I  _am_  imagining it. Some cute chubby guy plops down a little ways away from where I'm relaxing, and they're not an illusion?

I can't be imagining it. I don't have enough brain power or creativity to just imagine the top half of him, besides his dark hair, which is still amazing in every way, too! His tail was great but the important parts higher up were so much better. He had  _freckles_.  _Freckles_ , okay? What's so great about freckles?

Did I not just explain I've got a new appreciation for spots? It's not even the fact that he has freckles on his skin, it's that they're  _different colors_. Who's even heard of that?! Most of them were just brown, but then there were some that were blue and some were gold,  _gold_ , that's insane. 

His tan skin only made it more perfect. Yes, perfect, this guy was perfect. There was nothing wrong with him, even as I slowly started to move nearer, the view only got better. Looking closer, I could see his ears and his fingers were even shimmery gold. What in the world is he?If any gods really existed then he had to be one of them.

  
_'Just go for it you got this, just say hi, don't be creepy just say hello.'_  Once I gained my confidence, there was no stopping me. Which is usually my big issue with socializing, but I could do this. Saying hi wasn't hard, even if I did think this guy might have been way too good for me. 

I moved close enough to touch him, and even though making physical contact with someone this gorgeous was practically a crime, I tapped him on the shoulder. He immediately spun around, fear all over his face.  _'Good job you scared him you big creep.'_  "Hey there, what are you doing out here all alone?" Wait no that was even creepier.  _'What are you doing you idiot, stop!'_  

All the cutie did was stare at me, looking me up and down a few time. Did he think I was good looking?  _'No stop I'm nothing compared to you don't check me out.'_  High self esteem, you say? What's that?

Finally he looked at my face again, with a nervous smile, "Oh I uh, I don't know where um, where this is. I'm kinda lost?" Oh my  _god_  that's cute _. 'Marry me you precious darling boy.'_ I know that nothing is really supposed to be perfect, but he's perfect. Everyone else can go away now, I'm fine with this freckled angel. Ladies have nothing on this guy, not even Mikasa. 

"Ahh, okay." I hung my arm around his shoulder, "You know this place is kind of nice with just two people, don't you think?" I wrapped my tail around his and pulled him in closer, "I'm Jean, by the way." 

  
_'Hi! I'm Jean Kirstein and I'm a huge creep without meaning to be! Date me!'_  I was definitely going to be slapped for this, but I was ready for it. Physical contact was a lot more casual for me than other people. It's not my fault though, it's just a species thing, okay? 

He looked around, then back at me blushing, "I'm Marco, and yeah it's um, nice. Can I ask you something?" Great. Nice name. Wonderful name for a wonderful person. Could there be anything wrong with this guy? "Sure, hit me." I smiled and leaned in, not trying to but probably being the biggest creep in the entire ocean. There was nothing wrong with him though, not at all. 

"Are you ill?" Wait,  _what_? "You're so pale and skinny, are you alright?" Pale and skinny?! "What's wrong with your tail? And your ears, and your arms, what's growing out of your skin?!" Is he talking about the spines on my tail? "Do you need help? Are you starving?" 

Does anyone else hear that? That's me. Dying. That's my soul fading into nothing. My hopes and dreams melting. Normally, I'd get pretty mad. I'd tell him that he's the one with the  _extra_  weight, and that I'm perfectly fine. I couldn't do that this time though, he sounded like he was actually concerned, like he'd never seen someone that wasn't chubby before. I knew people from the city could be a little ignorant, but this was a bit much.

I stayed calm and put more space between our faces, just in case he was trying to get me to back off.  _'Now calmly explain that you are not sick, and act like he didn't just hurt your feelings.'_  "I'm perfectly healthy, believe me." I had a pretty small stomach, so getting extra fat on my body was impossible. My stomach was small because wonderful mother nature decided I would need more room for...  _other things_. 

Marco tilted his head, and of course that was too cute for me to be upset with him, "That's great, but um, well then what's wrong with you if you aren't sick? I've never seen anyone before. I _mean_ , anyone that's like you, before." Now I was just confused. There were plenty of people that had things growing out of their body, that's just how things  _are_. "Really? I'm a  _seahorse_ , obviously?" I always hated the name. ' _Why is it,_ sea _horse? What other horse is there?'_ "What is that?" Marco looked intrigued, and I thought my brain was going to explode.

Wow, he really is lost. You'd have to live really  _really_ deep in the city to have never seen a seahorse before. Never hearing about them though? Marco's parents must have been pretty bigoted and protective of him when he was growing up. "Yeah, a seahorse? Here let me show you." I let go of him and swam back over to where I was preciously relaxing, plucking one of my pets from a plant to show him.

"See, this is what the animals looks like." I lifted my finger, letting the seahorse wrap its tail around it for better balance. Marco looked closely at it, and stared for a really long time. Did he think they were weird? If he did he was so right. Animal seahorses didn't even  _have_  stomachs because they only had enough room for, uh, other dumb stuff that's not important right now. "Oh, wow," Marco grinned a less nervous smile, "It's so cute!" 

  
_'No stop, you're the cute one.'_  Sure seahorses were kind of cute I guess if you ignore the fact that they, or we, well actually I'm not going to go there. What if he thinks I'm cute though? I'm still a seahorse, and he thinks they're cute. "Yeah, so, I'm not sick I'm just different from you."  _'Now you just sound like a jerk.'_  "Speaking of which, what exactly are you? You look amazing." That's not creepy or rude, at least in my opinion. 

I hope Marco doesn't think so, anyway. It doesn't matter what I think really as long as he doesn't think it's offensive. He shrugged his shoulders and blushed, folding his hands behind his back, his tail twitching from side to side.  _'I don't know what he's doing but I don't want him to stop, ever.'_  Even if he was a little ignorant and confused, he was still cute, and he hasn't swam away in fear yet, I think that's a win. 

Letting go of my seahorse, I watched it swim slowly away back to the safety of the seaweed. "What's wrong with your eye?!" I turned both my eyes back to Marco, startled. There was something wrong with my eyes now? "What do you mean what's wrong with my eyes?" I wish I could look at my own eyes, but that was sort of impossible right now. 

"I'm sorry it's just, for a second I thought that, one of them was just, uh, moving on its own?" Moving on its own, really? "Oh you mean,  _this_?" I moved my eyes in opposite directions of each other, which was pretty easy and really normal. For a seahorse, and obviously Marco had never met one before, so I was  _probably_  terrifying him. 

Focusing my eyes straight again, my heart sank. He  _did_  look terrified; shrinking back and shaking his head, "How are you doing that?" Was it bad that I thought he sounded cute when he was whispering in fear?  _'Yes, you creep. You should feel completely ashamed.'_  "You know, for seahorses, this is pretty normal." I couldn't help but smirk, I know, I'm terrible for enjoying this. He was panicking over nothing, it's like when kids are scared of the dark, it's kind of cute.  _'No you're just a terrible person.'_  That too.

"Th-that's, normal?" Marco looked interested again, instead of afraid. Did he always change his mood that quickly? How cute. Yes, he was still perfect, for me anyway. "Trust me. You know, seahorses can do lots of things that you probably can't," I got mental images of one of the more unique things, and tried not to shiver with discomfort, "I can show you it if you  _want_." See I'm not a huge creep, I'm asking politely.

I wasn't going to do anything weird, just something to impress him. To redeem myself from constantly scaring and creeping him out. I was lucky so far, I wanted to use whatever amount of it I had left wisely before I messed everything up. "Okay, I guess you can." Marco looked up and smiled at me.  _'Oh no please stop I can't handle this you're too cute you're too cute you're too cute **stop.** ' _

It's amazing, almost unbelievable how accepting he is about everything. How could someone from so deep in the city end up here? "Alrighty then, just stay still, okay? You're going to love this." If he didn't absolutely love it then I'm a failure and someone can tie rocks to my tail and let me sink to the bottom of the ocean without food so I can starve to death.

Marco looked a little nervous, but he didn't protest when I wrapped my tail around him again, tighter than I had before. 

I just needed a few seconds to get a better feel of his tail. That sounds creepy, I know,  _I know_.

A few seconds just staring at him, you know, with my tail all tangled with his, and no explanation besides I'm "doing a trick", that's not creepy at all.

A few seconds, and Marco was already blushing again. Now watch, he's going to tell me I'm a creeper and scream bloody murder. It wouldn't be the first time it's happened. "Okay, look at my tail." A few seconds ago, it was pretty plain. It was just yellow, with some red patches here and there; Pathetic in comparison to Marco. 

That was the trick though, and from the looks of it, Marco was pretty impressed. It wasn't an exact match, there was no way I could force my tail to look as perfect as Marco's, but it was good enough. I got the basic yellow, blue, and red thing down, but I couldn't even try to give myself fancy bright blue spots. "How are you doing that?!" Marco squeaked like a little girl, his hands moving to my tail, feeling it all over.  _'Now who's the creep?'_ Not Marco, because I certainly didn't mind. The creep is still me I guess. 

"I told you, it's just you know, a trick, it's not a big deal." Modesty is probably the best way to make someone more impressed, but it's really  _not_  a big deal. Maybe if I were a three year old it would be something amazing, but I'm a lot more experienced than that. Marco started pinching and poking my tail, probably trying to see if it would make it change back. "Your scales are so amazing, I wish I could change color." 

Why would he want to change when he's already got me believing that divine power exists? "What? No you look great, no need to change your tail. My tail, though, it's not made of scales. This is all skin. I'm, I guess,  _all skin and bones_." Yes, joking about how he thought I was starving is going to make him date me. Perfect logic. Good job.

Marco looked even more excited and amazed than before, "Really?! No wonder why you're so smooth everywhere." He looked up at me, "It's like you're magical or something!" No, why did he have to be that naive and sweet? If he keeps getting cuter I'll have no choice but to break down and beg him to stop. 

"Nooo, I'm just, another seahorse. We're all like this. You don't have to get all mushy on me." Just how far in the city does he  _live_? "Come on I'll take you to the city, since you're so lost out here and I'm not helping much."

I unwrapped myself from him and grabbed his hand as I swam towards the closest entrance. "The city? O-oh, okay." Marco didn't say anything else as I pulled him along. There were dozens of ways in and out, and I had no idea which one he'd left from, so we'd just have to start from the top and work our way down. I didn't live in the city, and if he lived so deep in he didn't even know what a seahorse was we were probably going to be exploring for a while.

Fun fun fun.

At least he's cute, it's not like he's going to do anything crazy. Maybe he'll even thank me for getting him un-lost by giving me a kiss. It's really hard to get someone to kiss you these days. They always think you want to marry them and have a bunch of kids with them, or they just scream and swim away from you as fast you can. That's literally just me though. I suck.

The first entrance just seemed like a dark creepy tunnel to nowhere, but it wasn't. It just looked that way to keep out anyone that didn't belong in this city. "It's pretty dark in there." Marco's grip on my hand tightened. Was he  _scared_? Maybe he went through an entrance with more light, or more people in it. "It's fine, trust me okay?" I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I don't think it worked. 

I'm just becoming a real big creep aren't I? I know what he's thinking, he's thinking I'm going to molest him or murder him when we get further into the cave. "Okay. If you say so." Marco was just too trusting. That's great, but being so gullible? It's kind of sad. A little unattractive actually, but still kind of cute. I don't know maybe he has a sixth sense and just understands I'm not a liar. I'd like to go with that one.

Eventually it got so dark in the cave that we couldn't see each other anymore, and I knew it was freaking Marco out because my hand was really starting to hurt. "Give it a second, Marco, everything will be fine." Really, I should have just wasted the time looking for a different entrance to make him a little  _less_  completely terrified. I never was good at first impressions, I'm just lucky enough that he hasn't bailed yet.

Then, just like that, there was light to see where we were going. Marco was excited all over again, "It really is like magic, this is just, I don't even know how to say it..." He was kind of right there. I didn't really know  _why_  the cave walls would suddenly get really bright. My parents  _probably_  told me something about it when I was growing up, and I  _probably_  wasn't listening. 

That didn't really matter, not when Marco was so enchanted by something as simple as a cave glowing. I think it's cute. "You're such a kid." I meant it in a purely teasing way, and I let go of his hand to go on ahead. I really didn't need him to crush the circulation from my hand the whole entire way.

Marco whined, sounding mildly offended, "N-no I'm  _not_ , I've just never seen this before and it's pretty." I'm going to say it again: He's perfect and he's too cute. I'll say it a million times if I have to, until it starts to get old in my head or it stops being true.

Turning around a corner, the city, or at least the higher part of it, was in front of us. Tons of other people doing whatever it is they felt like they wanted to do, that's basically all it was. I didn't live here, so I didn't know too much about how it's changed. Marco seemed  _really_  tense when we exited the cave, like maybe we'd just gotten into the wrong city.

For him? Being from the deeper parts of it? I could understand him completely. There were tons of people moving around everywhere, caves  _everywhere_ , and it looked like it was an endless sight to see. If Marco didn't know what a seahorse was, he was probably overwhelmed by so many different kinds of people here now.

I do feel really bad having dragged him in here, but was I supposed to just leave him out on a reef all alone? No. I'm going to get bonus points for getting him home, I just know it. "You okay?" I offered him my hand again, and he took it gladly, this time clinging to my entire arm. Oh yeah, I could get used to this.  _'Taking advantage of someone else's discomfort, what a hero.'_

So I'm not prince charming of selflessness and perfect morals, oh well. I'm a seahorse; The bottom of the food chain doesn't have a great reputation as it is. Especially when you factor in how we,  _'Don't think about it, stay focused, you can panic about that later...'_  

Right, yes, getting into the deeper part of the city to send this precious privileged piece of divine cuteness back where he's most comfortable. 

"Jean there's a  _lot_  of people here..." Marco was looking around everywhere, eyes wide and squeezing me harder with every minute that passed. "I know, you're not used to this kind of thing, sorry that you're so upset." What else could I do to comfort him besides say sorry and let him crush my arm?

"Jean!"

I looked up, and before I could even identify who else had just called my name they were crashing into me.  _'Keep calm don't lose your temper in front of Marco, you don't want to scare him away so fast, don't get angry, you'll regret it later.'_  With Marco in mind, I turned to see where he'd gone. We were just a few feet apart now, and he didn't  _look_  injured. 

Now, to turn my attention whoever seemed to want to ruin my social life. "Oh hooray, Sasha, it's you. Thanks for you know,  _physically assaulting_ my  _new friend_  and I." Sasha knew of my dreadful situation with romance, she would do anything  _but_  purposely try to destroy any hopes at a relationship for me. She felt my pain, being a seadragon, there were lots of downsides to our,  _social status_ , for lack of a less crippling term.

Sasha immediately rushed over to Marco, just as amazed with his looks as I was. "Your tail is  _sooo_  pretty! I wish I would get mine to look like this!" Of course she has to cross the line and  _grab Marco's fins with her bare hands_. She didn't even need Marco's looks! Her tail and fins were all different shades of orange and green, she didn't need to try and copy Marco. And that's not casual interaction, that's being touchy and creepy. Wrapping my tail around him was a completely  _different_  kind of touching, it's not creepy at all compared to what Sasha's doing. 

Marco yanked his tail away and came back over to me.  _'Yes please hold my arm again.'_  Sasha wasn't offended or surprised at all, "Jean let me talk to you for a minute. Excuse me, Jean's  _new friend_." She grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Marco, off to the side where he couldn't hear either of us. "Okay, how did you find someone that gorgeous without me?" She's making it sound like I've stolen something.  _'The only thing you'll be stealing is Marco's heart, you deserve it.'_ I liked to think that kind of stuff to myself, true or not.

"His name just in case you cared, is Marco, and he was just wandering around. He said he was lost so I'm taking him back to the deeper part of the city. He's cute, isn't he? God, he's so gullible and naive though. You should have seen him when we were in the cave, he squealed when it-" I stopped talking, because Sasha's smirking was just annoying me.

She adjusted the seaweed wrapped around her chest, "Well, I guess you're really into him then, and that's great, but look at him now." I looked behind me, and, Marco had sunken to the floor and was curled up in a ball. Whining. Hands over his ears. Squirming around. 

There's always a catch to this stuff, isn't there? A perfect angel appears out of nowhere, and I expected no problems? I really am unlucky. I felt my jaw drop, and Sasha started to laugh, elbowing me in chest, "Ooooh yeah, this one's a keeper isn't he?!"

I blew water out my nose in frustration before swimming down towards Marco, "Definitely."

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what you were expecting.  
> Seahorses are like water chameleons, that's why Jean can move his eyes independently. Sorry if that wasn't common knowledge and confused any of you.  
> I reread this, about 7 times, and only just noticed that at the end I used the word "feet". Mermaids don't have feet. I fixed it now though everything it okay. I'll have to get used to making sure the characters' thoughts make sense, being not regular human beings.


End file.
